I was blessed with the opportunity to return to Jamaica the
week before Thanksgiving. The purpose of the trip was similar to the one I took
in May, but this time the team was bigger and we were hoping to perform at
least a couple of the surgeries we were unable to perform last time (well the
surgeons performed them, not me).
The trip was also different in while it was planned further in advance,
up until the day before the trip, I wasn’t sure if I was really supposed to go.
With the trip in May, I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt, that God orchestrated
it so I could go. But this trip was different. Originally, I said no because I
was already taking vacation in October and didn’t know if I had enough PTO to
take off again in November. Around September, I received a call saying that
they still didn’t have any physical therapists to go and is there any way I
could make it work? I said I’d look into it. I knew it was something I should
pray about, but somehow I never got around to it. I looked at my available PTO,
did a little math, and discovered that I’d have enough to go on the trip, so I
said yes. I told everyone in my small group at church that I’d be going back
again, I told all my friends about this great trip I’d be taking, and told all my
patients and their families the week before I left that I was going down to
Jamaica to do medical outreach. I told everyone how excited I was, but even up
until the morning of our departure, something didn’t feel right. I tried not to let me anxiety and stress
show, so I did my best to suppress it and put on a smile.
The
night before and the day of our departure was an adventure in itself. I
received a phone call Saturday night explaining that our 6:15am flight was
cancelled and the next available flight wouldn’t get us to Miami in time to
make our connection to Kingston. The trip organizer was on the phone with the
airline for an hour trying to figure out how to get us somewhere on the island
in time for the surgeries that were scheduled Monday morning. Around 11pm, we
were told to meet at the airport at 6:00am to take a flight to Atlanta to make
a connection for Montego Bay. Nine out of the ten team members got the message,
but no one could get a hold of team member #10. We arrived in Montego Bay by early
afternoon but got held up in customs because the paperwork to bring in the
necessary drugs and medical equipment was ready for us in Kingston, not Montego
Bay. Once we were given clearance for the supplies, we took a 3-hour van ride
through fern gully, a winding road that took us through the heart of the
island. It was probably very beautiful during the day, but was a little scary
at night. At one point I woke up from a cat nap thinking I was still on the
airplane. It felt like we were just coming in to land, but when I opened my
eyes, we were actually just stopping at a red light. We arrived in Kingston
around 9pm, just in time for ice cream before heading to the hotel. My roommate
and I were able to settle into bed around 11pm and minutes after turning off
the lights, heard someone trying to get into our room. Through the peephole, I
saw team member #10 had arrived safely after an equally adventurous travel day
of her own.
On
the trip down to Jamaica, our team was scattered throughout the plane, so I had
the opportunity to spend a little quiet time with God. I was honest and brought
to Him my uneasy feeling surrounding the trip. As I reflected on some things we
discussed in my women’s Bible study and my thoughts and actions in the week
preceding the trip, God revealed how prideful I’d been. I’d been telling
everyone about the trip so they would think I was a great person doing great
things. I left God out of it, the giver of great things. I left Him out of the
decision making process, out of the preparation process, out of the motivation
for the trip, and my faith in His provision for the trip faltered. I endured
undue stress and anxiety because I tried to do things on my own, hoping that I
would be glorified through the work I was doing. During my quiet time that
morning, I was able to repent of my pride and experience the peace and freedom
only God can provide. I was also able to pray for each of the team members and
the kids we were about to meet, inviting God to bless the work we were about to
do. And I allowed God to work through me, remembering each day, that this trip,
this work is not about me. I am merely a conduit of God’s love to those who are
orphaned, hurting, sick or lost. He has given me unique gifts to bring His
message of love and hope to those who need it most, but if I focus on how great
those gifts are, I lose sight of the Giver and the incredible blessings that He
gives through those gifts.
I’ve
often marveled at my ability to struggle with pride and insecurity all at the
same time because to me they seem like opposite problems. But what I’m learning
is that both stem from a me-centered perspective. God calls us to live with a
different perspective. Have you ever seen the acronym JOY? Jesus first, Others
second, Yourself last. You start by praising and glorifying Christ for what He
accomplished on the cross. Then, He equips you to see others how He sees them
and challenges you to love them like He does. Then you experience blessings beyond what you could ever imagine.
Our knee-jerk reaction is to take care of ourselves first, be independent, and
self-sufficient. But we weren’t created to work that way. We were created to be
dependent on one another. The blessings come from the relationships and the
give-and-take we share with those around us. Had I continued to focus on the
good work I was doing, I would have missed the good work my team was doing and
the blessing of seeing each individual use the talent God has given them to
improve the quality of a child’s life. I would have missed the smile and
laughter each child offered as a gift to focus instead on the problems they had
that I thought could fix. I would have continued to worry that I was going to
do something wrong and second guess every decision I made, missing out on the
peace and freedom God offered to enjoy the work that I was doing.
The
trip turned out to be an amazing experience despite our adventurous start. The
kids were worked with were adorable, the families we worked with displayed so
much gratitude toward us, and I came back enriched by the new friends I had
made. At the end of the trip, we had the opportunity to soak up some of the
beauty of the island by making our way up the mountain to where coffee is
grown. The reward for our hike up to the lookout point was the type of
breathtaking that can’t fully be captured through pictures. It’s amazing what a
little change in perspective will do for appreciating the places God takes you
in life.
