I vividly remember the all-important seventh grade dance
where everyone stood around, step touching to *NSYNC or Backstreet Boys with
the girls on one side of the gym and the boys on the other. There were always a
few brave girls who crossed over to solicit a dance partner and a whole lot
more who dreamed of which partner they hoped would venture over to ask them.
I’d worked all year to flirt with the boys who frequented my weekly “Top 10
list” and had even carried around extra pens in my backpack, just in case one
of them needed to borrow one. Each guarded smile and package of Gelly Rolls
that was exchanged during the year lead me to this day. I just knew one of them
would see me and think, “She’s pretty, I’ll ask her to dance.” As my mom found
out through a flood of tears over a double batch of cookie dough, none of them
did. My heart was broken.
As
most seventh grade hearts do, mine eventually mended and I got over the
rejection of the dance. As I moved through high school and college, I
encountered many more opportunities for heartbreak: unrequited love, broken
promises, broken dreams, deception, personal failure, and rejection.
Intellectually, I understood that these experiences were all a part of the
greater human experience, but I didn’t really like how they felt. I began to
put up walls around my heart to protect it from the pain that accompanied these
negative experiences and focused only on the positive aspects of life.
Reflecting on that time, I don’t believe it was something that I did
consciously, but it was more of a defense mechanism that evolved for
self-preservation. I’ve always been a positive person and the negative emotions
and experiences didn’t fit into my worldview. I also trivialized the pain I was
feeling because I thought it was disproportionate to whatever triggered the
pain response, wounding my pride and causing the feelings to flee deep below
the surface where I wouldn’t have to face them. So while I downplayed or
ignored my pain I began to develop some fear avoidance behavior, not allowing
myself to be vulnerable or open with people because it might hurt too much if
they reject me. This may have lessened opportunities to be hurt but it also
lessened opportunities to experience love. And I learned, it didn’t actually
protect my heart from breaking.
Over
the past few years, God has taught me the importance of heartbreak in our lives
and how we can be thankful for some of the most painful things we experience.
While reflecting on what broke my heart in high school and college, despite my
best efforts at protecting myself from pain, I began to see purpose in those
experiences. It was often in those darkest times that I drew closest to God. I
realized that life is beyond my control and my need for someone beyond myself
became apparent. In a world that was constantly changing and at times
disappointing, God was faithful to me; a constant refuge I could cling to when
my world seemed out of control. In
him, I found hope and purpose that this life is not all that there is.
Personal
heartbreak also helps us relate to one another. There is a huge difference
between the academic knowledge of how pain works that I learned in physical
therapy school and the physical knowledge of what pain feels like after several
knee surgeries, weeks of rehab, and the dull ache that is present after a long
day at work. It is the same with
emotional pain. Living in a broken
world means that we are going to meet broken people who relate best to other
broken people. We don’t all share the same experiences, but God can take our
heartbreak, no matter how trivial or inconsequential, and use it to evoke
empathy for one another. It helps us better understand where our neighbor is
coming from and why they react the way they do, deepening our ability to love
and forgive each other’s grievances.
A
broken heart can also change us to be more like Christ. Jesus’ heart broke for
the sick and the lame, he wept with passion over the broken hearts of his
friends, and he suffered heartbreak for the sin that leads us all into death
and destruction. That heartbreak and obedience to his father, lead Him to
action. He sacrificed his life for ours, enduring the suffering and shame of
the cross, so that in him our hearts could be made whole. Because he was fully
human, he understands our feelings of heartbreak. Because he was fully God, he
was able to redeem that heartbreak and turn it into something wonderful.
When
we place our life and trust in Him, we have power to do the same. Life becomes
less about avoiding pain and more about allowing God to change our perspective
on that pain, using it for something better. While in this life we are
guaranteed to experience heartbreak and pain, we possess the power of Jesus to
give thanks for heartbreak and rejoice in our pain. We suffer as those who have
hope that the world we live in is only temporary, we are here for a short time
with an important purpose: to bring glory to our Father in heaven and his Son
Jesus Christ. We are called to live life not by avoiding pain at all costs, but
embracing love and surrendering our lives to God no matter the cost. We fix our
eyes on Jesus, drawing strength and joy to face our heartbreak and see it for
what it is, temporary suffering for eternal glory.
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." ~ James 1:2-4
"But he [Jesus] said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christs's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, than I am strong." ~2 Corinthians 12:9,10
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God." ~2 Corinthians 1:3,4
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God." ~Hebrews 12:2
Happy Thanksgiving everyone!
