Summer is quickly approaching in Minnesota bringing with it
lazy days at the lake, opportunities to read in the sunshine, and the nuptials
of my brother and one of my best friends. Soon we will celebrate their love and
the beginning of life together with dinner, dancing, and amazing fellowship. I
have never seen my brother happier or Elise more ready to begin their new life
and the adventure of marriage. The day is almost 2 weeks away but it feels like
only yesterday they were out on their first date while my sister and I talked
of moving in together once they fell in love and got married. We (my sister and
I) are now settled in our new place and getting used to our roles as both
sisters and roommates, and the someday we spoke of for Elise and Dan will soon
be a reality. We have the bridesmaid dresses to prove it. The long awaited day
is almost here.
This picture's a little blurry, but is from the day of their engagement.
This
post has been on my heart for a while but the details of how to actually
express what God has been teaching me has been difficult to formulate. It
almost feels as if I am at war with myself, but it is not a war that is
frightening or disheartening. It is a war between contentment in the now and
anticipation of what is to come. Naturally, as I observe the love my brother
and Elise share and find excitement over the life they are beginning, I feel a
longing or anticipation for experiencing that type of joy myself. There are
days when that longing feels hopeful as if that day may be right around the
corner, but even if it’s not I am exactly where God wants me. Then there are
other days when the longing feels unbearable and I question God how much longer
I have to wait, but still feel as if I am exactly where God wants me. Despite
the warring emotions surrounding my circumstances and my constantly changing
perception of those circumstances, I feel content knowing that I am exactly
where God wants me to be. But how can I be content if I desire something
different than what I have? That is the question I wrestle with as I sort
through the lesson or blessing God wants me to understand during this waiting
period.
If
I am being honest, my emotional state tends to move in a cyclical fashion, as
is common in us members of the fairer sex, that usually results in a periodic
check-in with God about my desire for a husband. Sometimes it’s precipitated by
the announcement of another engagement or pregnancy from a friend or
acquaintance. Sometimes it’s preceded by questions from a well-meaning person
such as any new men in my life, am I putting myself out there or have I tried
on-line dating? These check-ins with God typically play out in the same
fashion: I write a few pages in my prayer journal about how much I want a
husband, am I doing what God wants in the area of dating, and thank you for
this lesson in patience but I think I have learned quite enough. Then, some
time over the next couple days God makes it clear that he wants me to wait and
be still in this area of my life. He usually starts with scripture and I have
learned there are many different verses
about waiting on God. In case I thought the scripture was just a coincidence
(anyone else ever use that rational?) He has used sermons, podcasts, music,
dveotionals, radio announcers, and/or books to ensure I understood His desire
is for me to wait on his timing.
Over
the past couple weeks, God has changed my prayer life a little bit when it
comes to dating and marriage. Instead of praying to receive a husband or asking
what I need to do in order to find a husband, he has asked me to pray for my
husband, a real flesh and blood person, not just a someday someone who may only
be a figment of my imagination. I
have learned that if I am preoccupied by something or someone, it usually means
I should be praying for that person or situation. God purposefully lays people
on my heart so that I will pray for them, whether I fully understand the reason
or not. When I become preoccupied by my singleness or the desire for a husband
and family, it may be that whoever God has prepared to be my husband is
struggling as well. Getting in the habit of praying for my spouse before I meet
him I think will be important for the life we will share together. And if I’ve
heard wrong and I end up not getting married, I know God will apply my prayer
to whatever man he deems needs it at the time. No prayer is ever wasted.
However
there is something even more important that he has been teaching me during this
season of waiting. He has been reminding me that my purpose in life is to
glorify him and tell others about the life and hope found in Christ. The
ultimate goal in my life is not to get married. The waiting that I am doing is
not actually about waiting for a husband. The verses he used to speak to my
heart about waiting when I first started asking for guidance, he is now using
to teach me something deeper. If I am waiting for my husband to give me
satisfaction and contentment, I am setting him up for failure. The longing and
anticipation that I feel for the intimacy and love found in marriage, is
nothing in comparison to the longing and anticipation of Christ’s perfect love
and intimacy that waits for us in eternity. Here on earth, we experience a
small glimpse of that love because a glimpse is all we can handle. He gives us
a taste of what is to come through our time of prayer and fellowship on earth,
but because of the brokenness in our world and the sin that saturates our
existence, our whole lives are spent waiting for untainted fellowship in the
presence of God. We hold eternity
in our hearts and our soul longs for the holiness and redemption that Christ
paid for at the cross. We can find peace in our struggle between contentment
with the temporary home of earth and the longing for our true home in heaven
because we know that what is to come is worth the wait. Along the way he gives us love and
encouragement through human relationships, whether they be friendships or
marriage, to whet our palate for the feast that waits at the end of our lives.
God
has made it clear to me that being still and waiting on him does not mean
sitting on the couch and waiting for life to happen to me. Life doesn’t begin
when I fall in love and get married. I have been commissioned to go and make
disciples of all nations. I am called to be the hands and feet of Christ,
showing love, grace, and the power of redemption to a broken and hurting world.
I have purpose because I am a daughter of the Most High King. He loves me and
has a plan for my life that is better than anything I could even imagine. If He
wants me to wait for marriage and a family, I can trust there is a reason and
continue to live the life he has called me to live. I will actively seek after
him trusting that the blessings he has for me in this life, and the next, will
be worth the wait.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. ~Psalm 27:14
