We all have dreams and visions for our lives. If you are like me, those dreams and visions have evolved over the years. My dream of becoming an author and illustrator of children’s books was crushed by my second grade art teacher when I was given a 2 on a project I turned in. I was devastated. But like most kids, I found new dreams: either a singer, a soccer player, just an author without the illustrator part, or a missionary doctor. These were my wouldn’t it be awesome dreams. The vision I had for my life was a little different. It was always a given that I was a wife and mother. No matter what dream I entertained at the time, it was always secondary to the role I would play in taking care of my family. I planned out each dream and what it would look like: I could write stories during nap time, my family could come watch me play soccer but it wouldn’t actually take up that much time, I would become a doctor and once the kids grew up we would leave for Africa to be missionaries. I could orchestrate everything to turn out just how I wanted to make all my dreams come true, I was certain.
I recently finished a study of Proverbs guided by She Reads Truth. There were two verses that stuck out to me during this study and provided space for me to reflect on my current dreams and visions: Proverbs 19:21and Proverbs 3:6-7. The vision I had for my life, the one where I am wife and mother, hasn’t happened yet. While I pursue this vision in a variety of ways, online dating sites, going on dates, and putting myself in situations where I could meet men, at times I am frustrated with what appears to be lack of progress. This wasn’t a part of my plan, this waiting before my real life starts. Oh but God, in His infinite grace and wisdom, has given me hope and life in the waiting. Proverbs 19:21 says: “Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails.” As I look back over the last years of my life, I see a time of preparation, of God drawing me near to him for sweet fellowship and intimacy that may not have happened if I had different responsibilities. If I would have sought purpose in my role as wife and mother, I could have been sorely disappointed when that didn’t offer the satisfaction and fulfillment I expected, the fulfillment and satisfaction only he can provide. God allowed this waiting period to remind me that I have a greater purpose, a greater role as daughter of the High King of Heaven. He wants to be my purpose, my hope, and my vision. It is from this place, this identity, that I can be a good wife and mother.
Looking back at the list of dreams I had as a child, many of them have been fulfilled, but just look a little different than the way I had planned them. I am currently singing in a band, not that we will be landing a record deal any time soon, but it is fun. I was blessed to earn a scholarship to play division I soccer through college. I still write stories and while I don’t post as often as I would like, I enjoy writing this blog and the release that follows putting my thoughts into written word. And while I didn’t go to medical school, I became a doctor of physical therapy and have been given opportunities here and abroad to spread the love of Christ while providing hope and healing through the gift of therapy. Proverbs 3:6-7 says: “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” God knows the dreams and desires of my heart because he knows me. He created me. He also sees the bigger picture, the view beyond today for what is best. While my heart may be restless, he calls me to trust him. We aren’t guaranteed tomorrow so why worry and try to plan for and control what may not be? He hasn’t asked that I give up my vision of being a wife and mother, just that I am patient and trust in his timing while he prepares me and develops new dreams to compliment the old ones. He asks me to live day to day, surrendering daily to Him. So I will trust him for today, trust that he will guide my steps, trust that he will lead me, and trust that he has placed dreams and visions in my heart for his purpose.
What do you need to surrender to God today? Where do you need to have trust for today?
Our band recently started rehearsing new songs for an upcoming gig. This song has been a huge encouragement to me: Trust in You-Lauren Daigle I hope you enjoy!
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