This week, God has rocked my world with reminders of how big
and incredible and faithful He is.
I have 2 stories to tell, one is the 10 year anniversary of one of the
first times I began to understand the faithfulness of God, and the second is an
amazing turn of events that I am still trying to process and understand that
happened this week. Because I can be long winded in my story telling, this will
be a 2-part entry. I’ll start with
the story from my past and in the next post, relay the events that occurred
this week to spark an incredible adventure that will be taking place in 10
days.
Ten
years ago, on May 10 to be exact, was my junior Prom. I’d been given the go
ahead my surgeon to start walking without crutches after six weeks of using
them to get around following my third knee surgery. I was instructed to continue wearing my knee brace while
walking for 6 more weeks, but thankfully my dress had enough puff to it cover
up. I was going with a boy I’d been flirting with for awhile and was sweet
enough to ask me even though we weren’t sure if I’d be able to attend
crutch-free until the week before the dance. I was going in a group with a
bunch of my close friends and we’d gone all, out renting a limo and a hot tub
for the after Prom party. My grandma had even given me money to get my hair and
nails done professionally. I could hardly wait for the day to come.
My
grandma, my mom’s mom, was a very special grandma. She attended every single
soccer game, hockey game, track meet, choir concert, play, orchestra concert,
and major life event that my brother, sister, and I had. For the games and
events that were recorded to be broadcast on the local cable station, you could
always pick out her voice, offering words of praise and encouragement. She
would often stop by in the afternoons when we were done with school to say
hello and bring us treats. She owned a cabin in northern Minnesota that she
shared with us, making us feel like it was our own. She worked hard around the property to keep it looking
beautiful, but always took time to swim with us in the lake or take us into
town for ice cream. Every birthday, we would wake up to chocolate donuts in the
refrigerator and a bouquet of flowers, just so we knew she was thinking of us.
She was never too busy to chat or show how much she loved us.
My
grandma started getting sick when I was a sophomore in high school. I knew it
was cancer, but at the time I didn’t really understand what that meant. I knew
that she lost her hair during chemotherapy and that she was more tired than
usual, but she continued to come to all of our events, so I thought that it
must not have been too bad. She even came to Florida when I went on choir tour
to Disney World the Spring of my sophomore year. The week before Prom, she was
in the hospital and I went to visit her. I wanted to show her my professionally
manicured nails that she had graciously paid for and my Prom dress. She loved
them and kept telling me how beautiful I was. I was still using the crutches
for balance occasionally, so my secret plan was to stop by the hospital on the
day of Prom, once my hair was all done and I was more steady on my feet, so she
could get the full effect of how I would look that night. After my morning hair
appointment, I went home to pick up my dress before heading back up to the
hospital. The only thing was, everyone was home. That whole week, nobody was
ever home all at the same time. There was always someone up at the hospital to
sit with my grandma so she wouldn’t be alone. But when I returned from the
salon, there they all were. My dad then informed me that my grandma had passed
away. First I was shocked, because I had no idea she was that sick. And then I
started crying. I started crying and I couldn’t stop. For those of you who know
me, this probably isn’t a surprise because I am a crier by nature. It’s not
uncommon for me to cry at the mention of a Hallmark commercial. But this day, I
cried for a long time. So long, that I decided I didn’t want to go to Prom
anymore. My eyes were all puffy and I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to
keep the tears from spilling out. My family convinced me that my grandma would
have wanted me to go and I had to work really hard to stop crying so I could
enjoy myself. But every time I
tried to stop, something else would remind me that my beloved grandma was gone.
Finally,
about half an hour before it was time to meet my date where we were going to
take pictures, my mom suggested we pray. We prayed that the tears would stop
and I would have a fun night with my friends, because that’s what my grandma
would have wanted. After the prayer, I got up, washed my face, put on my
make-up, and headed out the door to meet everyone. I didn’t cry the rest of the
night, it was almost like I was unable to. My friends, most of whom knew my
grandma, and my date were supportive and helped me to focus on being present in
the moment and enjoy every aspect of the night. We rode our limo around town ending at a steakhouse for a
delicious dinner. We entered a hotel conference room that had been transformed
into a magical oasis of friends, music, and twinkling lights. And we danced and
laughed the night away, taking way too many pictures that I still have tucked
away in albums somewhere. I loved every minute of it.
My
grandma taught me that life is about sharing moments together. She was always
there to support me, ready and willing to share her love through the precious
gift of time. The night was more special because of the legacy she left behind.
Through the experience, God taught me that He is bigger than any emotional
breakdown I can throw at Him. When I rely on Him for strength, I can do
anything. He wasn’t satisfied with being my rock for one night, but continued
to show His strength the whole next week. My grandma asked if I would sing at
her funeral, and while I never made it through a rehearsal without breaking
down and crying, God kept my voice strong until the very last verse of the very
last song as her casket was rolled down the aisle. To a 17-year-old girl with
no control over her emotions, the way God carried me through the experience and
kept my emotions in check, laid a firm foundation of trust in his faithfulness
and strength that I’ve since been able to rely on whenever life has spun out of
my control.
As
for what happened this week? He is building upon that foundation he laid for me
as a teenager, revealing in awesome and incredible ways that He is still in
control. I just need to trust and rely on his strength for whatever comes next
But that will have to be a story for next time…
Be blessed friends!
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